I haven’t been motivated to write about this lately as my feelings on the subject are both well-known, and I think, so non-controversial as to border on blase. I feel how I feel, and I think my attitude reflects a skeptical outlook held by many of my friends.
Then Corey IMs me this article, To Be Married Means to Be Outnumbered, which continues to confirm that a cultural change is afoot, but associates with it several superficial and inaccurate statements, at least in conveying how I feel.
But first, the statistical nugget that prompted this “lifestyle” article:
Married couples, whose numbers have been declining for decades as a proportion of American households, have finally slipped into a minority. The American Community Survey, released this month by the Census Bureau, found that 49.7 percent, or 55.2 million, of the nation’s 111.1 million households in 2005 were made up of married couples — with and without children — just shy of a majority and down from more than 52 percent five years earlier.
What I’m more curious about are the political ramifications. What happens when these couples start voting as a bloc?
“Moving in together has simplified life”
Gag, and OMG toothbrush management in NOT a reason to move in together. (Read the article)
A number of couples interviewed agreed that cohabiting was akin to taking a test drive and, given the scarcity of affordable apartments and homes, also a matter of convenience.
A test drive? A convenience? Those have got to be two of the most immature, if not belittling ways I can possibly think of to describe a relationship. On one hand it’s a trite analogy, but it’s also meaningless, because in a sense, every new relationship is an experiment, an adventure, a risk. To anyone who admits to “testdriving” a relationship, or looking to cut their rent in half, here’s some advice: don’t move in together.
It’s not like people getting married aren’t influenced by the economics of the decision. The scarity of affordable apartments and homes affects cohabiting and married couples alike, let alone roommates and single people (in San Francisco as much as anywhere). But making the connection in the context of an article on “why people cohabit” just makes it sound cheap and shallow.
A few of those couples said they were inspired by solidarity with gay and lesbian couples who cannot legally marry in most states.
Hear hear! I had hoped (in the post I linked to at the top) that this sentiment would begin to take root. This is the seed of what will eventually overturn DOMA and the recent state constitutional amendments discriminating against same-sex couples.
“You used to get married to have sex. Now one of the major reasons to get married is to have children, and the attractiveness of having children has declined for many people because of the cost.”
The declining attractiveness of having children has probably more to do with “having children” (and its cost in terms of personal independence) than the monetary cost, which I’m assuming the unqualified term is referring to. What’s funny though is that closing quote is probably the sagest explanation of why there’s a change and why the “change” really isn’t one at all.
If someone asked me why I don’t get married, the answer is simple: “Because I don’t have to.”
I’m in search of a French bistro table (aka a guéridon) with a cast iron base and a simple black marble top, about 28 inches in diameter. Stephanie and I have seen several at cafes in the city, but have yet to track down a reliable source. I’ve also found very little online, which is unusual. If anyone has any leads or suggestions, please leave a comment. Let’s see if Craigslist can help.
While on the lookout this morning, we stopped by The Butler and the Chef, a very cool French antique store on 16th and Utah. They didn’t have any marble bistro tables, but they did have some custom enameled metal ones. The base was new (and just what we’re looking for), but I thought the table tops were so-so, and the price was a little high ($475). They had some other neat things, including two or three old wooden butcher tables with surfaces worn down to hills and valleys, but nothing we really needed.
We also stumbled upon the Design Within Reach studio on Potrero, my first time experiencing DWR outside of their catalog. Lots of nice, pricey things, but nothing especially we wanted, well except for the Nelson Sunburst Clock.
After a brunch at Noah’s Bagels, we discovered a real gem, Khyber Pass on 16th and Kansas. They have all manner of interesting reproduction and reconditioned furniture, most of it from China and Indonesia, as well as reasonably priced leather chairs and couches, and rugs. Though we were intrigued by several of their wood pieces, we held ourselves back, and instead got a black leather bench with narrow wood legs—for the end of the bed or in one of the bay windows—we haven’t decided yet.
Before heading home we poked our heads in an elegant (read: gaudy) housewares store where Stephanie spied this excellent specimen:
Not a stick. Oh well, except for a small plate of swedish meatballs and a chicken caesar salad. Yum. It was the first time I’d been since first visiting IKEA in DC with my dad three years ago.
Tonight we were on the lookout for a desk (37″W x 29″D), primarily for Stephanie’s computer. She had her eye on the corner-oriented TOVIK, though I was a little wary of its unstained look. In person the knotty pine wood was much less appealing than either of us expected—it was almost urine yellow in appearance. So we spent the rest of the evening pining over the compact MIKAEL (in birch effect/white, as opposed to beech or brown), pining because they were out of stock. Completely. Late August is a bad time to go desk shopping.
We grabbed two little houseware things and made our way to the checkout stands (just before they closed at 9), where we confronted lines stretching back 20 people. We dropped our things and headed home instead, back across the bay.
No pictures were taken, but this cameraphone shot from earlier in the week captures something of the same spirit. It’s looking down a shopping cart escalator in a two story Bed, Bath and Beyond on 9th and Brannan.
I’ve never seen a shopping cart escalator before, nor have I ever seen a Bed, Bath and Beyond so big before!
Find the most recent copy of your local independent paper’s “Best of” issue.
Most independent papers put out this sort of thing once a year, and very often they’re nominated and voted on by readers, which I think really exposes an area’s collective experience.
In Santa Rosa there’s the North Bay Bohemian (whose “Best of” issue I didn’t think to track down after moving here last May—that’s alright, I found plenty to do). This year, however, I held onto a copy of the 2006 Best of issue (which came out back in March when I was otherwise preoccupied) and finally had a chance to flip through it.
I ended up taking notes. Lots of them. Mostly about restaurants and other food-related things. Here’s a list of places I’m looking forward to trying out.
I’m very much a learning-by-doing kind of person. I need a project to give me a reason to explore some new tool or technology. And I’m not that great at contriving projects or problems to solve (outside of this blog). I need the real thing.
Inspiration comes in spurts, and sporadically. My attention wanders. It’s hard to really get into something. Of course once I’m there, nothing feels better than that combination of creation and discovery. And when I’m not, I’ve got that wistful memory of what it was like to be really satisfied by what I was working on. And how my brain felt.
I wonder what it’s like for artists and poets. I wonder how they deal when inspiration lulls. I wonder if their inspiration looks like this: or this:
I’ve said this before, and I’ll say it again, if I could take a drug that would provide me with more inspiration I probably would. I sound like one of those characters in antiquity who’d trade some future happiness for a particular power in the present.
The problem with being a knowledge worker is that it seems I require almost constant novelty and intellectual satisfaction to stay interested in what I’m doing. And it’s not just that I require it, I expect it. But I start to wonder if these expectations for how I spend my working hours are a little out of touch with the rest of the world. What does it mean to work and be happy?
or this: 