Great article on the five-second rule (via ae):

The purpose of the five-second rule is not to protect you from bacteria but from ridicule. It’s shorthand for, “I know what I’m doing is gross, but citing this rule will allow me to eat this brownie and you to pretend there is justification for me eating this brownie.” When invoked for someone else, it’s an act of kindness: Go ahead. Eat it. I won’t judge you.